(THESE ARE TRUTHFUL EVENTS THAT HAVE TAKEN PLACE IN LIVERY YARDS IN SOUTH AFRICA )

( MAINLY GAUTENG )

( MAINLY KYALAMI )

• Convince yourself that your horse is the most important horse in the entire yard and deserves VIP treatment.
• Ask for the biggest stable even though your horse is only 15.2hh and the horse currently in the biggest stable is a 17.2hh open show jumper that jumped a clear round at the Derby this year.
• Ask that your horse is allowed to roam freely around the property as you do not like him to be restricted to a small paddock.
• Decide that you need to visit your horse every Monday morning even though the yard is closed.
• Invite friends and family to a picnic at the stable yard on a Sunday afternoon without first consulting the yard owner/manager.
• Park your car in the yard owners garage as you don’t like the seats of your convertible to be hot when you drive home after riding.
• Change your horses feed without consulting the yard owner/manager.
• Expect the groom that has been allocated to you to stand and move jumps all morning while you ride and get annoyed when he has other work to do. After all you tip him much more than the other clients at the yard do.
• Go into the tack room and ‘borrow’ other peoples tack without permission, put it back dirty or broken and deny any knowledge of how it ended up in that state.
• Run over the yard owner/managers dog and pretend that it was someone else.
• Paint your horses stable purple because the ‘horse whisperer’ said that your horse liked the colour.
• Visit your horse after 5:30 pm and phone the yard owner/manager and complain because your horse has done a poo in his stable and he cant possibly sleep in a dirty stable.
• Ask if you can have a discount on your livery bill as finances are a bit tight this month.
• Bring your dogs to the yard and laugh when they chase the chickens, other dogs and horses that actually reside on the property.
• Send a message after 10 pm to the yard owner/manager saying that you want your horse tacked up for 5:30 am the next morning.
• Send a message at 6:30 the next morning saying that you over slept and you are not going to make it.
• Decide that your horse needs a companion and buy a goat that you leave in your horses stable without telling anyone.
• Park your horsebox in the middle of the yard because you don’t know how to reverse it and everyone must go round you.
• Ride the yard owner/managers horse while they are away and the horse is resting.
• Treat the yard owner/managers house like a club house, help yourself to coffee and various other items of food and even make international phone calls from their phone.
• Prune all the hedges around the yard owner/managers house.
• Use the toilet inside the yard owner/managers home as you don’t like using the toilet in the clubhouse.
• Use all the coloured jumping poles that have just been painted as trotting poles and leave them on the ground after you have finished riding.
• Change the distances between jumps to suit your much smaller horse/pony.
• Only pay your livery account every three months.